You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
