dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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