just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
