I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
