What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
