maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just shotgunned beers for America
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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