70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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