dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize