I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
