You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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