Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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