I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
