we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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