If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
