Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
