Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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