A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
