He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
