I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
