I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
