tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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