if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
