I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
