Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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