Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize