I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize