i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
