THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
