my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
