She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
