Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
