Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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