its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
