she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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