Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
