yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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