I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
