im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
