If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
