I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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