i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found puke in my bra..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
