pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
