the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
