yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
