Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
