Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
