dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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