So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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