May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
