I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
