And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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