the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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