i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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