just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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