It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize