chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and she was petting her beer can
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
