Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
