Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
