Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
