Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
