i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
