You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize