everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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