your parents love me but you hate me
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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