I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize