so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
