Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
