I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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