My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
