yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
