Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
