everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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