There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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