bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
